Golden Crossover
by laylaorentea1985
Summary: Soap, Empty Nest, and The Golden Girls! Burt and Mary Campbell are having marital problems and they go visit Mary's cousin Rose in Miami while they try to work it out. Coincidentally, Burt's identical twin cousin Harry Weston lives next door to the girls.
1. Mary and Burt plan a trip to Florida

I do not own the Golden Girls, Soap, Empty Nest, or Susan Harris's soul! This is take on Golden Girls and Soap mainly. Empty Nest does not come into play until the next Chapter :)

This story starts after Mary and Burt reconcile. Mary and Burt Campbell are from Soap (another good show by Susan Harris!) and they are a married couple with four sons: Danny, Scotty, Jodie, and Chuck and Bob (Bob's a dummy!)

Act 1:

(Mary calls Rose)

Sophia: Who is this?

Mary: This is Mary Campbell, Rose's cousin.

Sophia: You sound too smart to be related to that bubblehead. Let me get her.

Rose: Hello?

Mary: Hey Rose, it's Mary.

Rose: Hey Mary! I haven't seen you since your wedding day! How are the boys?

Mary: They are fine.

Rose: How's little Scotty?

Mary: He's fine.

Rose: I can't wait to see him! How's Burt?

Mary: Burt is great.

Rose: So when are you coming down to Miami to visit me?

Mary: Soon. Burt and I are planning to take a vacation.

Rose: That's great! How soon?

Mary: (Puts Rose on hold) How soon?

Burt: In about a week.

Mary: (On the phone) about a week.

Rose: That's wonderful! Just let me tell the girls! Oh! Are you going to bring that baby?

Mary: I don't know. He is only a year old and travel with children is very difficult.

Rose: Nonsense! You just bring that baby with you because I want to see him!

Mary: Are you sure that it would be okay with you and your friends?

Rose: Absolutely!

Mary: Okay then. Bye.

Rose: Bye-bye now! (Gets off the phone)

Mary: We are going to stay with my cousin and her three friends.

Burt: Great!

Mary: She wants us to bring Scotty.

Burt: Fine! We have a special boy to show off.

Mary: My words exactly.

Bob: Mary, can I come too?

Mary: Chuck, no.

Bob: I want to come too. I want to go on vacation.

Chuck: Maybe we can have our own vacation.

Bob: But I want to go with little Scotty. I love that baby.

Burt: Wendy is staying here.

Bob: Okay, we'll stay. Besides, I don't want to stay with four old birds. (Chuck and Bob exit)

Burt: So, when we will know if it is all right?

Mary: Soon.

Burt: Now was Rose the one who gave you the breastplates and me the hat with the horns?

Mary: Yes. She is of Viking descent. Aunt Irma was a Viking and so was Uncle Gunter.

Burt: Yikes!

Mary: They were also farmers.

Burt: What did they raise? Wooly mammoths?

Mary: She had a farm with chickens, cows, horses, and pigs.

Burt: Sounds normal, unlike Rose.

Golden Girl's House:

(Blanche is sitting at the table filing her nails and Rose enters the kitchen)

Rose: Guess what Blanche!

Blanche: What? Uncle Sven's prize hog won first place?

Rose: Better. My cousin Mary and her husband Burt are coming over, if that is all right with you. Please say yes because she and her husband are trying to work things out.

Blanche: It's fine with me, if it's all right with Dorothy.

(Dorothy enters)

Dorothy: Well I just got done teaching another class with juvenile delinquents. I might as well be working at juvenile hall.

Rose: I guess now is not the best time to ask you then.

Dorothy: What is it Rose?

Rose: I was wondering if my cousin Mary and her Burt and their baby could stay with us for about a week?

(Sophia enters)

Dorothy: When?

Rose: Mary said that she is planning to come next week and I said that they could. I hope you say yes because she has been having marital problems, according to her sister Jessica and I think that they are coming down here with the baby to work things out.

Sophia: Isn't Mary the cousin with the gay son and mobster son who thinks he's Italian?

Rose: Yes, but they won't be here.

Sophia: Thank god. I was afraid that the hood would be part of the Scalponi mob.

Dorothy: (outraged) Ma!

Sophia: Dorothy, I have every right to worry. The Scalponi family claimed that they would take a hit out on me if they ever find me.

Blanche: What kind of marital problems? Is her husband cheating on her?

Rose: No! Burt is not doing anything of the kind. He has just been busy running for the senate and the newfound publicity of being the sheriff of the town. Mary's life has been bumpy lately. I could tell you girls stories, but I don't think I will.

Sophia: Whoa! That's a first!

Blanche: Is Mary perchance from St. Olaf?

Rose: No. She is from Dunn's River Connecticut. The last time I saw her was when she got married to Burt about ten years ago. I can't wait to see her again and baby Scotty.

Sophia: No wonder why she sounded smart on the phone.

Dorothy: Rose, I have a class filled with future convicts and I need all the rest I could get. I will not get that with a baby crying in the middle of the night.

Rose: (sternly) Dorothy! Scotty is about one year old. I think he is over the crying in the middle of the night.

Dorothy: That does not mean anything. Stanley did not get out of that stage until our thirtieth wedding anniversary.

Sophia: Not a problem. We do for family.

Rose: Gee, thanks girls! I'll go call Mary and let her know that it's fine! (Goes into the living room)

Blanche: Well, I guess we better work out the sleeping situations.

Dorothy: I'll share a room with ma.

Sophia: No! I want to share with Blanche! Blanche's room is bigger!

Dorothy: You are my mother and that is that.

Sophia: Fine, but you better not snore.

Dorothy: You better stop all liquids at noon then. You sleep in my room since your bed is bigger than mine. I figure with the baby and being a married couple facing problems, Mary would want Burt to sleep as far over as he could.

Tate Kitchen:

(Jessica is making tea and Mary enters)

Mary: Hi Jessie.

Jessica: Hey Mary (hugs her). So what is your big news?

Mary: Burt and I are going on a vacation and we were wondering if you could watch over Wendy while Maggie and Jodie are at work.

Jessica: No problem. That's wonderful (they sit at the table) so, where are you two going?

Mary: Miami. We're staying with cousin Rose.

Jessica: Cousin Rose? Rose from Minnesota?

Mary: Yes.

Jessica: I see.

Mary: She begged me to bring Scotty down to visit her and her friends.

Jessica: I heard that she has a nice place down there. Remember when we were kids, mother and daddy would take us to St. Olaf for a week to visit Aunt Erma and Uncle Gunter?

Mary: Yes.

Jessica: I wonder if Rose is as naive now as she was then.

Mary: We had so much fun playing with Rose's mind as a kid. Remember when you told her that there were monsters under her bed (laughs)?

Jessica: yes. She was seven years older than us (laughs). Remember when you spilt ketchup on your shirt and told her that you were bleeding to death, get help?

Mary: (laughs) yes.

Jessica: Do that again and let me know if she has not changed a bit. I think I might go down there soon. I haven't seen her since your wedding day.

Mary: I hope this works out and I hope Burt and I will be closer as we were before he became Sheriff and we had Scotty.

Jessica: It will! Don't Worry Mary, it will work out!

Mary: Thanks Jess (kisses her on the cheek) I got to get home now and pack for my trip.

Announcer: Will Mary and Burt work there problems out? Find out on the next episode of this very special Golden Girls.


	2. The plane ride and arrival

I know the story takes place in 1981, but to be funny, I had to have a "gas is so expensive that it is cheaper to fly" and "he is trying to save gas" joke.

Here is the second part of the _Golden Crossover _which I promised to continue a year or so ago.

"Gas is so expensive (even though it is only 1981 )"

[Mary, Burt, and Scotty are at the airport in New York City, New York. Scotty is in his stroller and he is fussy. Mary and Burt are trying to calm him down

Burt: What's the matter with him[To Scotty oh, is somebody tired?

Mary: He wants to fly-I mean-walk around. You know how restless babies are.

Burt: Fly, as in on the plane, right?

Mary: Yeah, sure.

Announcer: Flight 232 to Miami is ready to be boarded. All passengers please go to the dock.

Mary: That's us.

Burt: Yep.

Mary: I am so glad we are flying. We'll get there faster and we'll save money on gas.

[Mary, Burt, and Scotty board the plane

[Mary gets Scotty situated in his seat as Burt puts the stroller in the overhead. It falls out and nearly hits him in the head

Mary: Burt, be careful! You could hurt somebody!

Burt: Mare, I am trying to get this thing up here!

Scotty: Up! Up! Up!

Mary: Not now Scotty. Mommy and daddy can not pick you up.

Scotty: Up! Up! Up!

Mary: Scotty! No!

[Flight attendant walks by

Flight attendant: Excuse me sir, you cannot put that in the overhead compartment.

Burt: It's a stroller. It's folded up. What damage could it do?

Flight attendant: It will not fit up there.

Burt: Then what do you suggest I do?

Flight attendant: We'll put it in the captain's closet.

Burt: Oh, okay.

[Flight attendant takes the stroller away

Paulie overhead[Flamboyantly Attention all passengers! This is captain Paulie speaking. Flight 232 is about to take off! Emergency exit on the left and right. Life preservers are on the top and bathrooms are in the back. Have a fabulous flight with us!

Burt: Mary, we have a gay pilot!

Mary: So?

Burt: I have to walk by him to get the stroller. I have to go near a gay guy to get the stroller. All I have to say is he better not have any ideas!

[Scotty turns silver, Mary looks at him and freaks out. Scotty turns back to his normal color before Burt sees him

Burt: Mary!

Mary: He's silver! He's silver!

Burt: Not here!

Lady: Sir, is your wife all right?

Burt: She's nervous about flying. Flying scares her. [Whispers to Mary You are embarrassing me!

Mary: But he was silver!

Burt: Nobody in my family is silver and can fly.

Scotty: Up! Up!

Mary: Excuse me[Heads to the bathroom

Lady: Are you sure she is all right?

Burt: Yes.

Lady: She claimed that the baby was silver.

Burt: Mind your own business, would you?

[Mary walks by a flight attendant gets two things of champagne and sits next to Burt

Mary: Champagne?

Burt: Sure [drinks it slowly while Mary inhales it thirsty?

Mary: Very. Miss, could I have another?

Flight attendant: Sure [gives her another champagne

Mary: Leave the tray, please.

Burt: Mary! Don't you think you have had enough?

[Mary belches

Mary: Yep!

Golden Girls' house:  
[Sophia is making lasagna alforno and Blanche enters the kitchen dressed to the nines

Blanche: Hello! Hello!

Sophia: I take it you are skipping out on the lasagna alforno and going straight to the hotel.

Blanche: Haha! You crack me up!

[Rose enters

Rose: Girls! They just got to the airport! They're taking a cab here!

Sophia: Why do you always say "girls" when you enter a room? Do you see Molly Ringwald in here?

Rose: I am so excited! I have not seen them since their wedding day!

[Dorothy enters the house

Dorothy: I need a drink! These students are driving me crazy!

Sophia: Dorothy! You know we are out of sherry!

Rose: Not now Dorothy! Mary is on her way with Burt and the baby! I hope they do work it out. Jessica sounded so depressed in her letters. She found out that Mary…I better not say it. She is probably too embarrassed to say anything about it. It all had to do with Danny, Mary's eldest boy, getting shot one night at Jessica's house.

Blanche: Now why can't you tell stories like that more often?

Sophia: That sounded like a party in Sicily. You go, you eat, you drink, you be merry, and then if you are lucky, you don't get hit.

Blanche: Sophia! You're joking!

[Doorbell rings and Rose goes to answer it

Rose: It's her! It's her!

[Rose answers the door. It is Mary, Burt, and Scotty

Rose: Mary[Hugs Mary Oh Burt[Hugs Burt This must be Scotty[Bends down and talks to him Hello little Scotty!

Mary: He seems to like you [laughs

Burt: You'll have to forgive Mary. She had a couple of drinks on the plane.

Dorothy: That's all right. I need a few glasses of champagne when I fly as well.

Rose: Oh! Where are my manners! These are my best friends; Blanche, Dorothy, and Sophia.

Dorothy: Hello. You'll be sleeping in ma's room.

Blanche: My oh my. Burt, you have a striking resemblance to our next door neighbor, Harry Winston.

Burt: Harry Winston? He's my cousin.

Dorothy: You know, I do see the family resemblance.

Burt: Yeah, I have not seen him in years! I should really give him a buzz.

Blanche: Well, I have got to go. I am meeting up with Oliver tonight.

Dorothy: He's not picking you up here?

Blanche: Nope, he is trying to save money on gas [leaves the house

Rose: Well, let me show you where you will be sleeping.

[Rose, Mary, Scotty, and Burt go into Sophia's room

Will Burt ever see Scotty Fly? Will Mary and Burt work out their problems? Will everybody have a few more bucks in their pockets from all the cutbacks on gas? These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of _Golden Crossover! _


End file.
